Sunday, October 24, 2010
Another thing I like about Sunday (apart from the obvious....NO WORK!) are the supplements that come with the weekend papers. This is where I get my dose of all the latest diet, style, travel, hot cars, celebrity goss, exercise, recipes, horoscope, yadda, yadda, yadda information (not that I pay any attention to it, usually!). One of supplements that I don’t miss is ‘The Sunday Telegraph’s BODY + SOUL’. And this week, Dr Gabrielle Morrissey (Pg 28, Sunday 24 October 2010) brings you “First Date Etiquette”.
After my last rant, it is clear that manners and etiquette is a dying art in this day and age (a fact established by all the negative comments I received on MUTTERINGS #36)....so I can understand why Dr M may be projecting on that subject. She focuses on three aspects of dating: appearances; talk the talk; and rapport.
She goes on to say that dressing well is a must and a no brainer. Ok, I agree, to an extent. Because dressing well can mean being clean i.e. no B.O.; Garments pressed (I have seen people coming to interviews with crumpled shirts etc) and dressing accordingly to the date venue, i.e. cocktail dress to a bowling alley (but who cares). But it seems appearances are everything according to Dr Morrissey. What a load of hogwash and how shallow that she thinks the human race is? But then maybe we are. I admit a nice looking guy will get my attention (I am not dead, yet!) but it is what he has to say and his values and the similarities to mine and his thoughts about ME that count the most. On the other hand, I idolize some celebrities because they are BEAUTIFUL people. But then I ask myself, “What about these days and the world of Internet dating and relationships?” Nine out of ten times, bloggers for instance, don’t post their pictures on their sites. It is the person’s values, blog matter, how and what they write about that attracts the cyber visitor, not the person’s looks.
Next on Dr M’s list is ‘talk the talk’. She says that one has to balance talking with listening. Agree. Totally. No matter how much I love my own voice (joke), I’d like a response and not be the one to do all the talking. Then she says stick to easy cultural topics such as music, books, food, hobbies and humour. So, no talking about the ex, the rash on your foot (what did you think I was going to say), what you thought about the crap labor government (oops, I just broke the rule here, didn’t I)....in other words lie??? So when do you tell the truth?
Finally one has to focus on building rapport. Somehow I think this is linked with “talk the talk” and me thinks Ms Morrissey has nothing else to say and therefore needed to come up with another point.... hence point three. “Be wary with giving away too much”, she says. Not sure what she means by this. Wouldn’t work with me, I am a blabber mouth.
After all that...I have to let you on a secret....it’s been 20 years since I have dated.....and here I am, arguing with the expert!!! So on that premise, I’d like to know what you think is essential on your first date? What emphasis do you put? What maketh the second date and the third....etc, etc? What's the clincher for you? Do tell.