Three blokes were working on a high rise building project, Macca, Chook and Gazza. Chook falls off and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Gazza says, "Someone should go and tell his wife." Macca says, "OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, Macca comes back carrying a slab of VB. Gazza says,” Where did you get that, Macca?"
"Chook's missus gave it to me." "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"
Macca says, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Chook`s widow." She said, "No, I'm not a widow."
And I said, "Wanna bet me a slab?"
1. Australians have a great sense of humour and enjoy a bit of a laugh. However PC is putting at end to this.
2. Aussies that are particularly prone to bragging, fantasizing, or just telling people absolute nonsense, are known as BULLSHIT ARTISTS.
3. Aussies are notorious for so call “abbreviating” people’s names. This is actually untrue as the name change could actually be longer than the real name e.g. Sims would be called Simmo! No abbreviation here.
4. It is said that Australian men are the most tactless of the male breed. Or the most honest, depending which way you want to look at it, LOL!
5. A SLAB is a carton of beer. It can consists of 24 cans or 24 STUBBIES of beer.
6. A STUBBIE is a small bottle of beer, usually 375ml or 345ml.
7. Most Australian beers are ALES.
8. A COLDIE is an ice cold beer.
9. GROG is beer or alcohol.
10. PISS is also beer or alcohol, or urine :O
11. “To be on the PISS” is to be drinking alcoholic beverages excessively.
12. “PISSED” could mean one is drunk or angry, depending on the context!
13. Another word for “PISSED” is BLOTTO (abbreviated from the word blotted) = Way too much to drink.
14. Taking the PISS (out of someone/something) is to make fun of someone or something, or kidding with someone about something e.g. “Don’t be upset mate, I was only taking the piss out of you.”
15. Despite being called the “Original Australia Beer” and its heavy international presence, no Australian would be caught dead drinking Foster’s beer in Australia. The only time Australians drink Foster’s is overseas, when they have no other choice!!! Foster's Lager is made mostly for export in Australia, or made under license in other countries.
16. VB is an Australia beer. It stands for VICTORIAN BITTER. It’s usually the type of beer preferred by the working classes or blue collared males. A BITTER is a well hopped beer.
17. A WATERING HOLE is not where the animals go to drink but rather your favourite pub. Wait a minute, at the end of the night, is there a difference???
18. Ordering a beer in a pub in Australia: Different states have different terminology and measurements for dispensing beer in pubs and clubs.
Source: Doug's Republic
• Pony/5 oz: 140 ml
• Beer (Victoria)/Butcher/Seven oz: 200 ml
• Pot/Schooner/Middie/Handle/Beer (NT)/10 oz: 285
• Schooner (NSW, Queensland, Victoria): 485 ml
• Jug: 1140 ml