Tuesday, March 22, 2011

MUTTERINGS #67 : ODE TO THE ENGLISH PLURAL

Ode to the writer actually.....for his/her wit and excellent command of the English language. FYI: Shim is actually a slang word in Malaysia! Any guesses???

Ode to the English Plural

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England .
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don’t fing,
grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?
Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and
get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and
in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not Mop?



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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

MUTTERINGS #66: TERE BINA.....


Tere Bina Zindagi Se Koyi, Shikwa, To Nahi,
Shikwa Nahi, Shikwa Nahi, Shikwa Nahi

Tere Bina Zindagi Bhi Lekin, Zindagi, To Nahi,
Zindagi Nahi, Zindagi Nahi, Zindagi Nahi
Tere Bina Zindagi Se Koyi, Shikwa, To Nahi

Kaash Aisa Ho Tere Qadmo Se,
Chun Ke Manzil Chale Aur Kahi
Door Kahi - 2
Tum Gar Saath Ho, Manzilo Ki Kami To Nahi
Tere Bina Zindagi Se Koyi, Shikwa, To Nahi

Jee Mein Aata Hai, Tere Daaman Mein,
Sar Jhuka Ke Ham Rote Rahe,
Rote Rahe - 2
Teri Bhi Aankho Mein, Aansuo Ki Nami To Nahi

Tere Bina Zindagi Se Koyi, Shikwa, To Nahi,
Shikwa Nahi, Shikwa Nahi, Shikwa Nahi
Tere Bina Zindagi Bhi Lekin, Zindagi, To Nahi,
Zindagi Nahi, Zindagi Nahi, Zindagi Nahi

Tum Jo Keh Do To Aaj Ki Raat,
Chaand Doobega Nahi,
Raat Ko Rok Lo -2
Raat Ki Baat Hai, Aur Zindagi Baaki To Nahi

Tere Bina Zindagi Se Koyi, Shikwa, To Nahi,
Shikwa Nahi, Shikwa Nahi, Shikwa Nahi
Tere Bina Zindagi Bhi Lekin, Zindagi, To Nahi,
Zindagi Nahi, Zindagi Nahi, Zindagi Nahi

From the movie "Aandhi" (1975), starring Sanjeev Kumar and Suchitra Sen. Playback by Lata Mangeshkar and Kishore Kumar. Music by Rahul Dev Burman and lyrics by Gulzar.

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